The 10 Fantasy Commandments
1. Thou shalt not veto. If there is obvious collusion between two owners, then the commissioner (or league via veto) should not allow it. But other than that? Let it go. People should be allowed to coach their team and trade whoever they want, even if you think it's a really stupid rip-off trade. Negotiating a steal of a deal is part of fantasy skill and as long as both parties want to do the deal, you're a punk if you block it. Especially the people who block a trade just because it doesn't involve them or because it's part of their "strategy" to block other teams from improving. That's the coward's way out and you're a scummy, spineless punk if you do that. Win on the virtual field, not in the bureaucracy.
2. Thou shalt play out the season. I don't care if you're 0-12. You make waiver claims and set your best possible lineup in Week 13. It matters to the rest of the league. Have fantasy pride. Quitting is for wimps and people with no moral fiber. You made a commitment, stick to it. Too many times I've heard of people in public leagues (it seems to happens less on ESPN than on other sites, thankfully) sign up for the league to practice drafting and then abandon the team. (This is why we offer free mock drafts and auctions). But even more than that, as teams get tough breaks or aren't winning, owners no longer play it out, leaving bye week and injured guy in their lineups and essentially handing their opponents crucial wins.
I was forced to do it once (a high-stake baseball league the summer I was going through my separation) and I hated myself for it. Seeing as how I ultimately ended up divorced, I should have found a way to play it out.
3. Thou shalt set your lineup every week Nothing is worse than seeing someone starting a lineup with guys on a bye and playing against a competitor you need to lose. Every game matters to everyone else in the league, so I don't care if your honeymoon is right smack in the middle of your season, you can't have a week off. If you know you're not gonna be able to play every week, then don't play at all. The Internet is everywhere. You can set your lineup six days in advance and you can access your ESPN Fantasy team from any mobile phone. If you have to, you can ask a friend or the league commish to set your best possible lineup for you. There is no excuse.
5. Thou shalt respond to trade offers. Dude, it's common courtesy. Just a simple "No thanks" is fine. Just let us know you got it but you're not interested.
5a. Thou shalt take no for an answer. A follow up to 5, if the person says no, then don't bombard them with a million other trade offers. One follow-up "Are you interested in talking trade at all?" or "is Player A at all available?" is allowed. But if they still say no, then let it be. Whether it's a girl or a trade, no means no. Period.
6. Thou shalt not bid on a player in an auction if you don't know who he is. If I throw out a player and someone says "Oooh, sleeper," you're not allowed to bid if you don't know who he is or why he's a sleeper. Do your own homework. Stop copying off my paper, jerk.
7. Thou shalt not abuse the waiver process. Don't continually pick guys up and then drop them, placing them on waivers, thus making them unavailable for two days to the rest of the league. Like I said in the first one. Win on the virtual field, not in the bureaucracy, coward. (For those who play on ESPN, that's not a problem; a player must be owned for 24 hours before he'll be put back out on waivers when dropped.)
8. Thou shalt not change the rules midseason. I don't care if it everyone's complaining or it seems unfair in Week 5. You play the rules that were set up at the start of season. Change at the start of next year. Take the job of commissioner seriously. Have a strong constitution at the start of the year and enforce it.
9. Thou shalt not say "Championship!" after drafting T.J. Houshmandzadeh. It's an old joke. We've heard it a million times. Let it go. (thanks to @US_LaticFanatic on Twitter for that one).
10. Thou shalt act like a normal, civilized human being. This is a catch-all for everything else. Act in fantasy how you would in real life. If you agree to a deal, you go through with it. Unless your word means nothing in real life too. Then you're just a horrible human being. Don't be an Internet tough-guy on e-mails or message boards. Smack talk is fine, but insulting or getting personal and saying things you'd never say to someone to their face? Save it, coward. Especially if you hide behind a fake screen name. Don't kick someone out of a league without telling them. Don't reneg on a bet or league fees you owe because the game or season didn't go the way you wanted. Don't abuse your power as commissioner. Don't offer a crappy trade you would never take if you were on the other side of it. Don't whine, bitch, complain or do anything that takes the fun out of the greatest game ever invented.
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